the first day of my new life

today was supposed to be the first day of my new life.

i made so many promises to myself, and i have defaulted on all of them so far. i said i was done with the newports; yet sent sleaze(my boyfriend) to the store to get me some more. said i won't going to eat out anymore; yet i called the chinese place as soon as i realized how late it was in the evening. said i won't going to drink no more soda; yet we are soon going to finish our second bottle for the day. said i was going to start exercising daily; yet i'm allowing this head cold to stop me from doing anything.

i said a lot of things, but i'm still being the same Nicole. the same bad habit Nicole i was yesterday.

but i smile at knowing that i did make it quite a few hours without requesting a newport. normally as soon as the pack is empty i am either running to the store or sending sleaze after my needs. i smile knowing that this may be the second soda of the day, but we have actually drank several more than this by this point in the day. i smile because for once i actually feel bad from not exercising and is actually hoping i feel better tomorrow so that i may begin my regiment. i mean i like am disappointed in myself for not being able to complete the entire tape. i did play a few minutes of Taebo, but my head, lungs, nor body was really involved! like i said i will try again tomorrow.

i may not have been 100% brand new, bur i am making strides in the right direction!and i will keep striving until i reach those goals. that is a promise, i have no other choice. my life and those that depend on me; depend on me getting my act together.