My Personal Goal

I think I need to use the next couple weeks to train my body to a routine. I've read that it takes 3 days of doing something for it to become a habit. I get up each morning and see how my other mother friends are up at dawn heading to the gym. As I sit on the toilet, usually having my first Newport of the day (don't judge me :) ), I often ask myself,  Why can't you be that disciplined? You, meaning I, talk all the time about how I want to be healthy; yet I am doing nothing about it. Well that's going to have to stop at some point, and I choose now over later!!!!

I believe in my heart I am serious this time....this time. I am getting older and I know everything is about to....slow....down and I have to get a jump start. I have to do something....I'm not happy with the way my clothes look on me. I absolutely hate clothing shopping; usually buying what I think will fit to get home and realize it's too small OR I get home and realize it doesn't look the way I thought it would in my head. Why do I do this? Because I am tired of crying in the dressing room when I can clearly see what I look like in the clothes. I own not ONE full length mirror; it's too depressing. Well fuck all that noise. I will be buying a new mirror and each morning I am going to look at myself. Look real hard...looking to see...ME. It's so easy to get the outside world to think you love yourself, when in all honesty you don't.

How can I love myself when I am actually hurting me? Hurting my children?

Well I say...let's try. If I really make an effort, I know in 2 weeks alone I will see some results. I will see the fat start to strink and a shape start to form. I know that in a month, I'll be breathing better, feeling better and looking better. By 3 months I will look like a completely different person...and by December...well let's just say I hope I don't end up pregnant because the boo won't be able to keep his hands off me...Yes..that's what I want.

And I'm finally in the right mind set to go it.

Let's hope and pray I stay this way and tomorrow will be a testament of truth.

Tomorrow begins the new Nicole. I can't wait to meet her because it's been a long time coming. Nite.

Here I go again

A couple of years ago I started this blog because it was supposed to be motivation to reach a goal. As of today the only goal I have reached is NOTHING. I have not changed on thing about my unhealthy lifestyle. I can get motivated for a few days and then I allow something to take me off my course. 

What I should be doing and looking like right?!

I was doing TaeBo at the beginning of the year. I, with a few friends, had created a weight loss support group. We were all writing down the process so in the event it worked we could possibly sale the idea and make a few bucks. Week one I was in it to win it!!!! Daily support messages, open forum , motivational quotes, etc. I was going to be the motivator; because I was finally ready to do what needed to be done to lose this weight.......yeah we see how well that worked. I ended up getting a job and the text messages stopped and so did the group. I think we all are still "committed" to losing weight, we all just are lacking in the motivation department.

A couple of weeks ago my daughter and I decided we were going to put in Zumba2 , for the Wii, and do our thing. The first night it was fun. I was sweating up a storm....getting 5 stars and stuff. Woke up the next morning sore and proud. Look at me I thought, I'm really going to get this weight off this time. Next night I came home, Bree was ready and we completed another 30 minute session. Day 3 I was really feeling it; my entire core hurt but this time my neighbor came over and we really had a  ball. I was able to push a little harder because we were all laughing so hard at the lack of coordination that no on realized we were working out. Night 4 my sides were really sore so I decided that I was going to take the night off. That was a big mistake. It has been 3 weeks since then and I have not Zumba-ed since.

My problem is not that I do not have desire, it's that I don't display the discipline I once showed as a child. The summer before 12th grade exercise was all that I could think about. I got up each morning and went for a 1 hour walk , eat decent meals all day, TaeBo(on VHS) in the evenings and topped the night off with 50 crunches. I was a machine!!!! I walked back first day smaller than I had been when I started high school. I of course did not keep those habits up and now look at me. 
Overweight, unhappy and tired of being tired about being fat.

I was talking to my best friend the other day and decided that I was not going to talk about losing weight anymore. I was going to get off my ass and do something about it and let my new body do all the talking. I have very understanding and supportive friends but I know they are tired of hearing me talk how I'm going to do this, that, and the 3rd and then I actually gain weight!!! I mean come the fuck on...enough is enough right?